Dear Kirstie

Yesterday was the funeral. I am sure you would have been very pleased.. it was beautiful. There were so many people there... which is not at all unexpected as far as I am concerned. It goes to show just how may lines you touched.

I almost did not go over to sprinkle sand on your ashes... but Craig wanted me to, knowing I would likely deeply regret it later on. i believe he thought it was a way to say good bye. Sheay came up with us.. but did not want to sprinkle the sand, which I can understand and would never make her do. Just as I walked away, the tears completely clouding my vision, I saw her wave. i thought she had spotted Peter, or your parents. When i asked her later who she waved to, she said 'the box". She was waving to you. I thought that was very touching... and it started me crying all over again. I was not really sure what Sheay thought, or how she was impacted.. she can be very quiet and not inclined to speak of such matters. This showed me that it is in her mind.. that she understood at least a little the weight of why were were there.
She also gave me a hug with no prompting. it sounds small... but it is not. She decided, on her own at the church, that I needed a hug. I thought it was again very touching.
yesterday was hard... very hard. But like Bev said, it will be most hard from now on. With no Kirsite to light up our lives.
Craig said he felt insignificant to all the many people who knew you longer, or better... I disagreed. I told him his value as a friend is no less diminished by the time you were friends... and you were friends in your own right... not just because he was my boyfriend.

today I have been thoughtful... I feel like I am taking for granted my health... my ability to just go for a walk, to do yoga. To eat right. I need to be mindful of that.... its not right for me to be taking those things for granted....
I wanted to let you know that I got a call from a good friend about an opportunity... I have to work to get it... but it is well worth it. Your words are always firm in my mind.... I know I can do this.